LIFE SHADES

Life itself has a lot of shades. The shade it gives to Jude is not the same shade it throws to Mark. People struggle now and then just to make ends meet, just to provide for their families and give them the best. People engage in different choices of careers like being a doctor, an entrepreneur, a lawyer, content creators, and many more. But this is not just the only choice or way of making money or becoming someone in life. Did you forget to mention the bus drivers, bean cake sellers, the keke napep drivers, or even the okada riders and a lot of others? Do you know they work to make ends meet? Do you know they make money too? Have you ever looked down on them as being poor?

Put a stop to it if you always look down on this set of people. They are human beings and they make money. This is their own shade of life to make it and they are doing it with joy. On my way to work one day so elated and high in the spirit. I guess I was hyperactive and so was the keke driver conveying me to the bus stop. 

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A discussion started between the driver and a passenger about the high cost of keke napep (tricycle) and hire purchase now compared to 2 – 3 years ago. I got so interested in the conversation that I became a good listener. The driver continued speaking highly about the business and how some people are not relentless even with the high cost of sale or high purchase of keke napep. He buttressed that with focus and consistency you would make the money even if the keke napep is on hire purchase.

Wow! I listened further. He told his story of how he started the business when the keke napep was at the cost of N250, 000 then he got the tricycle on hire purchase and he was focused on making it. During his early process of starting the business, he made a lot of wrong moves that the touts on the road and policemen kept charging at him and he always paid to get freed. Some days he got angry and frustrated that he would go home to rest and resume later while some other days he grumbled and cursed them but continued with his work. After completing his payment on hire purchase, the keke napep became his and he added more zeal and became more focused. Along the line, he bought another keke napep and gave it to someone to expand his business.

 

I saw a zealous man who is willing to make a living for himself and his family. The keke driver spoke about how he has used his business to keep paying rent in Lagos for his family, and how he has built a house in his village. Yes, you heard right, a house in his village. I know what you are thinking now 🤔. Let me confirm your thoughts for you, he is from the Igbo tribe. He also spoke about the hitches they face with the touts and their collections on the road. 

The story did not end here because he served a well-balanced diet while driving us to the bus stop that morning but I had to go to work and not drive around. If he was conveying us to a farther distance, the story would have continued because he seemed to have a lot to give out.

I was so happy and delighted to hear his story. It is a source of inspiration to me and everyone out there struggling or/and trying to make ends meet. It pays to be focused and have zeal in life. Let’s encourage each other and not look down on anyone.

MUSINGS

How do we live life truly and be able to submerge ourselves in our experiences and feelings without holding back for fear of being different, for fear that we won’t be understood?

I always knew that I was not fully the same or to better put I felt different truly different, not the cute kind not the kind that every girl likes to believe herself to be. It was the kind that we don’t like to say out loud, the one that makes our tummy turns and looks at ourselves in the mirror and wonder what was wrong and just maybe we were sick upstairs. I’m Linda and I’m a girl trying to find my way in life. I asked my mom a few days ago why I wasn’t like my little sister or other girls my age, not out of jealousy or spite but true curiosity. I looked smaller than my age acted and felt younger than I was and I hated it at times. I wanted to look my age, to not be asked who was the oldest when walking with my siblings to not feel so uncomfortable in my skin, to walk and not feel like all eyes were on me; to be confident and carefree but I wasn’t that girl. I was scared, scared of life and people in it; scared of love and what the future holds for me, of the inevitable or the unseen. Life scared me and people scared me of their reactions that I could not predict the way tempers could easily switch and not know the right thing to say. I am scared but I hope not to be one day. To find myself and to be me and to be unapologetic being the person I am, but I’m not that person yet for now so till then I’m going to go through life with my philosophy, not letting other people’s experiences define my own or the way I intend on living my life.

I am a Christian or well as Christian as the next person but that doesn’t mean I didn’t believe, not because I am expected to or I grew up conditioned to believe, I believed because I wanted to, because I like the peace and content that comes with believing, it’s a peace I haven’t found anywhere else, one that always dragged me back to him. But that didn’t mean I was a true Christian no, I was far from it because I couldn’t help but question things at times, lots of things, why things are the way they are, why women were treated the way they were, why some decisions were made, a never-ending series of why. I felt it was a flaw of mine that I could never fully blindly believe, believe without question and I pinned it to another inadequacy of mine, a flaw of some sort; another reason why I was different and I hated it, so whenever I did find my way back to God it didn’t last it never did and it hurt me: another inadequacy, another hole that couldn’t be filled.

So now this girl who is searching for herself and her light just accepts that these might not be flaws and just maybe they were questions in her being that she needed to find answers to, and her being different was not a crime or fault it was who she was and she needed to know who being “her” meant, so let’s hope for her sake she grows to speak without fear and she finds herself and the life she wants, one where she doesn’t have to conform or fear because without finding her self she could never be free.

LEAVE AND LIVE

Have you wondered why women in situations that are deadly find it difficult to leave and live?

A young lady by name Ann growing up had her expectations from life. Ann had always prayed for a good husband just as every young lady always does in their prayers, but an unfortunate circumstance soon averted this prayer of hers. Ann had both female and male friends, few of her male friends liked her and wanted a relationship with her. But there was this friend, Dan, who kept on with his show of love and interest, huh! How do I wish? 

On a fateful day, Ann went out to see Dan who had always liked and showed interest in her, she felt it was just pure interest. On getting to his place, Dan was so happy to see Ann. He offered her a drink while they chatted, soon the drink took his full course of work on Ann. Ann slept off, then Dan smiled and got to work removing his clothes and that of Ann. He raped her. Ann woke up with her clothes on and everything intact without a fair idea of what had happened.

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Ann went home trying to make out why and how she slept and trying so hard to remember, but the harder she tried to remember, the harder she couldn’t. So she just happened to move on. Two months later she found out she was pregnant and wondered how the heck she had got pregnant. Ann was devastated and couldn’t help the situation and she began to piece the puzzle together then she concluded that Dan had raped her on that fateful day.

Ann was so pained that she went all out for him. This life can be something else sometimes. Ann told Dan that she was not ready to live with the shame at all and that he must marry her. It became some sort of issue but at the tail end, Dan married Ann (maybe better put the rapist married his victim). This was another journey of life for Ann. One would question why marry the man that raped you, I too questioned. I also questioned why would the father give his daughter out in marriage to a rapist?

Ann’s marriage life began, is it a sweet or enjoyable, or loved one? Sit tight and find out. Ann and Dan moved to the city to start their life and this experience was damning. Ann is a hardworking hustling lady in business and booming while Dan was also hustling but nonchalant. Ann became a punching bag. Dan would beat his wife every passing day even at midnight. He became so wicked to her and sometimes to the children. Can you imagine Dan refilling gas that will be used to cook food for his family and instructing the children not to cook any food with the gas refilled and give their own mother, Ann? The children thought it was not a serious thing but the day the first child did it, oh heavens! She received the beating of her life from her dad, Dan.

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Dan comfortably left his responsibilities for his wife to shoulder, which she did for her children and with the hope of things getting better. Ann feeds the family and pays the house rent yet Dan beats her mercilessly even after 3 children with no form of pity. Neighbours always come to her aid of Ann whenever her cry goes out. Ann moves about with swollen eyes and bruised bodies almost all the time. Her parents had advised and begged her to leave the marriage alive with her children. Her brother has done the same. Her close friend also advised the same. 

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So what’s really keeping her still? I wonder. Dan no longer values you. The neighbours are tired of this noise, wailing, and screaming that comes from the flat. Dan beat Ann one day telling her that he will kill her someday and that she will die just the way some woman died at the hands of her husband. Didn’t this just make goosebumps touch your body? It did. What coldblooded being? Ann’s leaving depends on her conviction because she’s still in the marriage.

Life is lived once and not twice. It’s meant to be lived to the fullest in happiness. Why would you want to live a life of perpetual pain? If your life is threatened or your happiness is, it’s better to leave and live.

I hope she leaves and lives.

IMAGINE

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It is a truism that what appears 6 to someone might appear 9 to another, it doesn’t mean they are both wrong or correct, it’s just from the aspect through which it is perceived. Little wonder Paul Auster said it often happens that things are other than what they seem, and you can get yourself into trouble by jumping to conclusions.

A 21-year-old girl was looking out through a train’s window and shouted, Dad, look, “the trees are going behind; they are moving very fast” her Dad simply stared at her with so much joy and smiled! A young couple seated nearby looked at the 21-year-old and thought to themselves, she’s so grown up but so childish, she must have a mental disorder for her father not to be bothered. 

Suddenly the young girl exclaimed again; Dad, look, “the clouds are running with us” this continued on and on throughout their trip until the couple could not resist any longer and said to the old man, why don’t you take your daughter to a good doctor may be a psychiatrist? The old man smiled and said I just did. We are just coming from a doctor but not a psychiatrist; we are just coming from the hospital. He kept on smiling, so happy and he said, my daughter was blind from birth. She just got her sight today for the very first time, her behavior may seem stupid to you, but it’s more than a miracle to me. 

Yes, a miracle for me that my daughter can now see me, see what I look like, see her mother, see her siblings and see the world and what it looks like. Do you know what it feels like? Do you know how it feels? I can’t just express my joy. As he spoke, tears ran down his cheeks uncontrollably. The old man continued, I can’t wait for the rest of my family to see this miracle and feel this excess joy in their heart. They are awaiting our return. 

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Do you know the joy I felt the day she was born holding her up in my hands with so much care? Do you also know the pain I felt only to find out a few days later that she was blind? I became so feeble, the pain was deep. I thought everything in the world, what would have caused my daughter to be born blind? I struggled to be myself and be strong for her and my wife. I didn’t want to break down but I was hurt deeply. Then and there, I was ready to spend all I have to make her see with her eyes. I began the life journey of finding a solution to her sight. I contact every eye doctor I knew and could find, I was almost getting so obsessed with it, losing it all just to make her see. 

It became my wish that she could see me, her mother, and her siblings before I die. As he kept talking still the tears kept running down. Now my wish has come to pass and you can’t imagine the joy in my heart. My wish came to pass before my very eyes, I’m alive to see this very day. My joy knows no bounds. So you see allow my daughter to express herself. The young couple just sat down there, lost for words with a mixture of tears and shame in their eyes.

This is to tell that everybody on earth has a story, a life experience to share; don’t jump to conclusions about their private affairs; you don’t know where they are coming from or what they have to deal with. The truth behind their story might surprise you. Take it easy with others, even if you have a perfect life. Let us keep working towards the good of all.

Imagine what the old man had gone through, imagine what his family had gone through, imagine what it felt like, imagine, imagine. Life has its fair share of pain, hurt, misery, joy, laughter, happiness, and many more. This old man had his fair share of life experiences.

Imagine.

SEED OF HATRED

I clearly recall this scenario from last year which made me reflect on certain things. It was a holiday period, you know how kids act right? The reserved ones, the playful ones, and finally the “coconut heads,” as my sister likes to call them. These are the people you’ll tell to sit and they’ll stand up instead, go and they’ll come, do this and they’ll do that, and vice versa.

So, at around 3 p.m. on a Saturday, my neighbor Ify, a married woman with two of her own children and a mother to many, left the house to run a few quick errands. Since her husband was away and her nanny had already left, nobody was home. She, therefore, begged me to frequently keep an eye on them.

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I agreed to do it because, after all, staying at home by myself was boring. I wasn’t very good at entertaining children or interacting with kids, but hey! I was getting ready to perform nanny duties at the time. She had four children in total, two of whom were her biological children and the other two were stepchildren.

They began to play, and at one point, they started fighting and verbally exchanging words. I immediately ran outside after hearing a cry to verify what went down. I struggled to make sense of what had happened until I realized that Austin, the first child of Ify, my neighbor, had insulted Sheena, who is also his step sister. 

She answered when I asked her what he said that made her cry.

“He said that he is not my brother and that we will never become brothers and sisters.”

I felt really uncomfortable since I came from a polygamous family with many stepbrothers and stepsisters and I am aware of how partiality, hatred, jealousy, envy, and other vices associated with polygamy develop over time.

Being in that position, I sat them down to see how I can handle what I had in front of me with care and caution. Indeed, I can say they all had their different sides of the story. Even though they spoke in a way that I hardly understood—you know how children sometimes talk—I was still able to understand the meaning of what they were attempting to express.

Having listened to them, all that I gathered helped solidify my already-existing understanding of persistence, tolerance, equality, unity,  loving, etc., which I will be happy to share in the days ahead. 

After I had given all the advice I could, I still don’t know if it was beneficial or not because Ify and her family had relocated to a different state. However, they continued playing, and I joined them.

It was a good time, and I relished the time we spent together. They were vibrant and I could see that they were laughing, jumping, and smiling. 

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I took a break to make sure the pot of beans I had left on the fire hadn’t burned and to reassure myself that I would have food for the next day. Since they were now my new playmates, I had found an excuse. Couldn’t help but look back through the window as I got to my house to see the happy expressions on these kids’ faces. It gave me a particular feeling of fulfillment that I won’t forget in a hurry. 

I suppose all the little things we go through throughout our lives only form part of our life experiences. Isn’t it? 

HER VOYAGE

Close your eyes, drop the luggage, and dare follow me into my darkness, one where the chances of escape are one to none. This is my voyage, my journey and as I slip into the safety of my insanity I hope you find joy in yours.

Start from the beginning they always say, that if you have a story to tell, you should start from the top but what if the top and the end blur so bad you don’t even know when it all started anymore, what if you lost sense of time and of your very sanity where everything just starts to slip and blur and you don’t know where you end or begin anymore? Well that is my life on some days and I cherish those days the ones where I don’t remember when it all started then they are others, where I remember all too clearly and try as I would I couldn’t forget and the memories weighed me down and dragged me under telling me that there is peace in surrender; in giving in.

I’m grace and this is my story; one of fear, pain, hatred, for him, for her, for the world, and at times for my God. “Why me, what could I have done better to make life easier for you?; to make it less painful and less terrible “

I am Grace and this is my story, my mother’s, her mother, and another girl somewhere in Africa; somewhere in the world. The lives we grow to see play out around us as kids have a lot of impact on the adults we become. My mother was never really lucky when it came to her love life and growing up seeing how love failed her gave me a certain prejudice or outlook towards life and how I wanted to be loved. I grew up learning the meaning of being two-faced, from the people who birthed me, I learned to want better, to know better, and when to walk out when I was being walked on.

Everything was easier during this period, not perfect but okay and at times I wish we could have gone back to this, with the only problem being when next his temper would flare and which one of us would be the unfortunate person in the firing line, but life never knows when to stop it seems and my life was one filled with new pains after every relief. The most defining moment of my childhood came on the 31st of June 2016, the very first day I knew the extent of my father’s anger. A day I wish never existed and a day I knew without its existence I wouldn’t be me because it reminds me of so much pain and anger but it birthed my strength and resilience to be the person I am and the woman one day I hope to be.

It’s a story I will tell you another day but for now, I want to tell you about my mother, Grace’s mother, my hero, the one who failed herself because firstly her mother failed her then society failed her twice over. My mother endured a lot at the hands of my father but at the same time, she was the most resilient and hardworking woman I ever knew, one who wanted the best for her family even above her own needs; a woman indeed! I would call her, even when I wanted to hate her for the years that followed I never could but my heart bleeds and aches for her, for the life she never lived, for the mother I never had.

FEAR

This word has stopped a lot of dreams from coming to fruition. 

It has put limitations on millions of lives if not billions.

It has created a wall or do I say a barrier between many and what they wish to accomplish.

Are you in this category??

What’s stopping you from taking that big step?

What’s stopping you from taking action on that opportunity you feel might be the start of a new beginning or move you to your next level?

What’s stopping you from fulfilling your dreams?

What’s that thing in front of you, staring seriously at you, just waiting for you to make that move but at the same time there’s that voice speaking behind or inside you resisting you…

Before we move on, can we even define this word or do I say check out what this acronym means?

The acronym F.E.A.R stands for:

F-false 

E-evidences

A-appearing

R-real

                                          

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Hmm.. the day I came across the meaning of the letters that make up this word fear, my approach and thought towards life generally changed but before that change happened I had lost a lot of opportunities that if I had taken a step back then or made a firm decision damning the outcome I would be in a better place in life as I write this post but it’s not the time for regret but it’s the time to face my fear heads on.. not minding the result at the end of the journey.

 

I remember having that big dream of becoming a medical doctor back in the day, I took the first step of reading about someone I always heard about his story, this person has inspired millions around the globe and his story is still inspiring millions today, I saw him as a role model and believed if he made it despite all he endured as a child and in his school, from the people, we call teachers and expect so much from for our children in their care but for this person, the reverse was the case. He was called a dummy and told by the same teacher school isn’t for him but his dear mother believed in him even when every other person had given up on him and in the end, he didn’t disappoint her or himself, and this person is no other than the world’s famous neurosurgeon Benjamin Carson. God continue to bless our mothers for all they do for us. Amen.

Back to my dreams, after reading about Ben Carson, I enrolled in all the examinations needed in pursuit of this dream, I passed the first phase, then the second, I was denied admission because I was a point below cut off mark, I was devastated and that’s how self-doubt and fear set in. My parents encouraged me to try again but already I was scared the same thing might happen again to me and that crippled my energy, mindset, and the effort ordinarily I would have put into preparation for the next examination.

                                       

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I can testify for a fact that fear is a spirit and when it was written in the book of the bible Job I quote; that what we fear will happen to us and that fear when it has engulfed us brings torment, I am a victim to these words. At the end of the day, the same thing happened just as I feared, and that was the end of that dream, I couldn’t go on no matter the push or encouragement I got from family and friends and many other opportunities were left unattempted because of this same word FEAR.

What kind of fear are you experiencing right now? Could it be fear of the future or fear of the past?? I encourage you to shake it off!!! There’s more to you than what you have lost in the past, what you are currently on, or what you plan to do, there’s no stopping you. Only you can limit or stop yourself. Don’t let fear of failure stop you either. There’s a saying that it is better to fail while trying than not try at all.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL?

Do you understand supernatural powers? What do you term mystical and what do you term supernatural? Do you think both mean the same? Or do you think one is evil or one is good? Some believe in its existence while some don’t. I want to know what you think.

In this life, you see a lot of things happen, strange things that can be termed to be either mystical or supernatural. Am sure some of these strange things would have happened in your life at one point or the other. Or it could be that you have witnessed one of them. Some still find it difficult to believe even when it happens to them or has witnessed any. Should it be a result of unbelief or doubt? Sometimes I wonder.

The true-life experience of a dear friend who thinks that what he experienced is juju and not possible. Why doubt when it all happened before your very eyes and it worked? This dear friend happened to be at fieldwork with a group of people working and it was about to rain. 

It didn’t seem to be like a drizzle but a heavy pour out as you look at the sky. A young boy approached them and informed them that he could stop the rain for them if they paid him. This dear friend objected but the group of people knew that if the rain falls, it would disrupt their fieldwork for the day and even the plans and schedules they had to work with and were eager to get with that particular work that day. They agreed and negotiated with the young boy. The young boy asked for N20, 000 and this group negotiated N10, 000. The deal went well as the young boy was paid and he held the rain so that it didn’t fall. They continued working without being disturbed by the rain and while it rained every other place apart from where they were.

After like an hour, the sky loomed again and again and again. And they went in search of the young boy as he was around the area of the fieldwork. The young boy requested his balance of N10, 000 as his payment was N20, 000. He told the group that if they don’t pay his balance that it would rain. The group was left with no choice but to pay him his balance and the young boy held the rain again from falling.

The group continued with their work without any disturbance from anything. They succeeded in finishing the work for the day and left. It was after they left that the rain decided to take it all out on the community by pouring like in the days of Noah. This dear friend was shocked at these powers and he termed it juju. He kept speaking about it and his friends told him that it wasn’t a new thing and it does happen. I know this is a life experience he would always take along with him anywhere he goes. Going home one day, I happened to listen to the conversations of two colleagues on a commercial bus and the subject matter was this same life experience of how he travelled to his village for burial and experienced a similar fate.

You would have come across this once or more in your life or maybe not. You would also have heard of people who hold events such as burial, traditional marriage and any other say as they plan for their wedding that someone or some people meets them to pay them money so that they can hold rain from falling. Yes, it’s not a new thing but might be new or shocking to you. And if you do pay, they do exactly as they have told you the rain won’t fall while sometimes, if your philosophy of life is different, it goes in two ways, mostly the rain falling so heavily that your event is disrupted.

Your philosophy to things like this could be that you do not believe it or its juju. One would ask, is this only related to the traditionalists or the pastors and prophets could also hold the rain from falling?

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ENTHUSIASM

We often hear this word, isn’t it? Dr. Steve Maraboli pinned:

Live your truth.

Express your love.

Share your enthusiasm.

Take action towards your dreams.

Walk your talk.

Dance and sing to your music.

Embrace your blessings.

Make today worth remembering.

What does this word mean to you? Have you ever thought about it? Let me know guys…

Does it mean happiness?? Or a feeling?? Or zeal?? Which word do you think we should use to describe the word we often hear and say sometimes. Could it even be a skill? 

Before we move forward let me tell you a story of a young child who had this idea in his head, hmm… we know kids love adventures, they are so curious and ensure they explore what’s going through their minds till they see the end.

There was a little boy in a small city close to a hill, who saw an army of ants with crumbs of food in their mouth lined up and moving in a particular direction, so he decided to follow these ants, and study what they were doing and where they were headed. On my way back from school, I took note of this little boy and what he was doing… I was curious so I decided to observe and note what he was doing.

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So, I sat under a tree close to the place where I saw this little boy and started watching him without him even noticing my presence because he was so fixed on his adventure, this boy followed this group of ants as they moved and was heading towards an ant hill which was initially formed by these ants and gradually, they went one after the other into the hills, he stood and watched them do so with tiny white particles in their mouths, at some point, I was scared for him because soldier ants can be very wicked… Laughs… But I didn’t want to distract him from what he was trying to discover which I had no idea about, so I sat put and kept observing him and something was stirred up within me at that very moment… Oh!!! How I wish I could or everyone can be like a child, ready to venture, explore, observe, follow, learn, sometimes even fail but never giving up, but continues to press on and push forward despite the turbulence, pressure, multiple failures, criticism, rejection, pain, and societal stigmatization, the world will be a place full of those with accomplished dreams, plans, vision, name it…

By the way back to our story; the boy stood till the last ant entered the hill with their food in their mouth and I saw him smiling and moving away from the ant hill and in my head, I said: that is the smile of accomplishment after so much persistence and patience.

And I asked myself what kept this little boy going despite the long line of ants? What kept pushing him to continue even when he was tired because I’m sure at some point he was, even I sitting and observing was tired at some point and the answer that popped in my mind was this word ENTHUSIASM. 

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For me, I call it positive dopamine that flows through your entire being and pushes you to that goal, that vision, that dream… I encourage you to pursue it to the end and don’t stop along the way……

You can do it; I can do it… believe!!!!!

INCREDIBLE INSPIRATION

I had preplanned everything out, crossing all the Ts and dotting the I. The day was in fact, approaching faster than I anticipated. The challenges of conducting research such as the brief to infinite interactions with random strangers, the restless nights and constant screening, the costs associated with transportation, and what have you?

I had also made provisions for a burgundy tailored suit, a white Hermes bag, a white classic pointed–toe stiletto heel, and a 6-inch pixie cut wigs with curls. That was “good to go” for someone who barely had it all – going financially. My mom was to handle the drinks, food, and everything logistics together with my brother. Meanwhile, I was just to assist with a thing or two. As usual, time passed without justification, unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

The deal day finally arrived after four years of sacrifice, patience, hard work, resilience, and perseverance. My mom was unable to contain her joy and excitement which could not hide as it was visible enough on her face. Who wouldn’t be delighted to hear that their daughter was going to upgrade her title to “Dr. Mrs”.

I was the fifth on the list of students scheduled for that day after Yann, a guy in his early thirties who was admired by many because of his cuteness, intelligence, and gentleness. Winnie who came after I had an average height, a dark complexion, was chubby, and was a great deal of fun to be with. Then there I was floating in between the two of them.

You know this teaser question people always ask: What did you have a reputation for in a school? Well! I was the introverted and reserved type who hardly spoke to a lot of people but whose sense of fashion could speak a lot. Perhaps in life, most times we have to realize that people have different personalities.

I could feel my heart palpitating and legs prancing as time passed, which increased my tension and anxiousness. Yann recently completed his thesis defense and received an Excellent. Guess what? It was my turn. 

The sociology and anthropology department’s dean, a guy feared by many because of his arrogant attitude and stringent standards, sat at the high table. My supervisor was at his left, and the most renounced Prof of Our Time was on his opposite side. While my name was being called, I made a remarkable entrance, not intentionally but I was certain that I did because I saw that most of the people in the room, if not all of them, were looking at me with what appeared to be “admiration.”

As usual, I was offered the right to identify myself and discuss my thesis, which focused on gender inequality and bias. Everything was going according to plan until the dean asked me a question. He asked “So, if one has to document your answer, how will you differentiate between gender equity, gender equality, and women empowerment? “

Hmmm! I exclaimed from within as I had researched it, covering everything from the philosophies to the ideas underlying it. Furthermore, I understood what it all meant on my own, but when it came time to answer his question, I found it difficult to find the correct words. I stood there for almost three minutes, trying to deliver my lines flawlessly for the audience I had in front of me, which included my mother, my family, and the friends I had invited. 

The faint murmuring wasn’t the only thing I could hear; I also heard some other mocking remarks from random bystanders, along with a few facial expressions that one could read as “You can do this girl!” and others as a disappointment.

I became shaky, pondering about various things and asking myself things like: What happens if I give the wrong response because I’m panicking? How will I be perceived by my visitors and everyone I have so far invited?

So you’re all dressed up like this to mess up and have people think that you are a “beauty without brains?

I kept having those thoughts, and when I heard, “Mrs. Yange, I am waiting for your answer,” I tilted my head back toward the crowd and, by coincidence, made eye contact with my mother. She gave me a thumbs up and a smile, which inspired me in a specific way—the way I needed it at the time. I took a deep breath before responding to his question and providing insights in a way that left everyone in awe.

Once I was done, I only heard applauses like an echo. The further accompanying questions were asked, and I responded to each one as though I had seen them beforehand resulting in my receiving an Excellent grade. My mother gave me a big hug and said, “Your father must be very proud of you, no matter where he is.” 

The rest is history.

PC: istockphoto.com